Thursday, January 28, 2010

Matilda

I heard this on NPR and found it humorous. The blunt title totally took me off guard. ~Ellen

MATILDA
WHO TOLD LIES, AND WAS BURNED TO DEATH
by: Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953)
      ATILDA told such Dreadful Lies,
      It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;
      Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
      Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
      Attempted to Believe Matilda:
      The effort very nearly killed her,
      And would have done so, had not She
      Discovered this Infirmity.
      For once, towards the Close of Day,
      Matilda, growing tired of play,
      And finding she was left alone,
      Went tiptoe to the Telephone
      And summoned the Immediate Aid
      Of London's Noble Fire-Brigade.
      Within an hour the Gallant Band
      Were pouring in on every hand,
      From Putney, Hackney Downs, and Bow.
      With Courage high and Hearts a-glow,
      They galloped, roaring through the Town,
      'Matilda's House is Burning Down!'
      Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
      Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
      They ran their ladders through a score
      Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
      And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
      The Pictures up and down the House,
      Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded
      In showing them they were not needed;
      And even then she had to pay
      To get the Men to go away!

      It happened that a few Weeks later
      Her Aunt was off to the Theatre
      To see that Interesting Play
      The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.
      She had refused to take her Niece
      To hear this Entertaining Piece:
      A Deprivation Just and Wise
      To Punish her for Telling Lies.
      That Night a Fire did break out--
      You should have heard Matilda Shout!
      You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
      And throw the window up and call
      To People passing in the Street--
      (The rapidly increasing Heat
      Encouraging her to obtain
      Their confidence) -- but all in vain!
      For every time she shouted 'Fire!'
      They only answered 'Little Liar!'
      And therefore when her Aunt returned,
      Matilda, and the House, were Burned.

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